Before we start, let me give you a little more background on me, that isn’t in the “About me” page. I am a manly man. When you hear people use the word, “typical man”, they’re talking about me. I love booze, fights, hockey, tits, bacon, tools, and guns. I’ve been in Punk and Metal bands for almost 20 years. When shit breaks around the house, I get excited because I get to drag all of my tools out. Even if there’s just a hole in the drywall that needs patching, I’ll bust the power tools and level out, because I’m installing something damn it! I owned a German Shepherd and several guns. Family “Sunday Funday” consisted of a coffee, bacon and eggs breakfast, morning at the gun range, afternoon bowling, and finished with barbequing and watching hockey. I drive a truck. I have a very manly, ginger, and yet unhipster facial hair. When the wife goes to the mall to window shop, I like to hang out at hardware store and do the typical, “If I win the lottery, I’m buying…..”. My vocabulary is very extensive. Some may say its 75% profanity, I say it’s 75% strong adjectives, adverbs, and verbs. Get the picture?
So, when the Mrs. suggested I watch Game of Thrones, I was reluctant. I don’t like fantasy dungeons and dragons shit.
****TRIGGER WARNING FOR THE NERDS****
I couldn’t get through the Lord of the Rings movies, Harry Potter, Narnia, etc… I’m too manly for that crap. Give me a good war movie/book, I’m game. Give me fantasy fiction, you lost me. Except twilight, but that’s a whole other story, to which I read under false pretenses from my wife. You still owe me Steph!
After ordering me to watch just the first episode of Game of Thrones, I eventually gave in. The day started as a normal one. Wake up at 7, see the wife off to work, have my coffee, and walk the dogs. The wife was a dispatcher for a police department at the time, so she had to work an extra 8 hours of overtime that day. Not really wanting to watch it, I filled the first couple hours of my day off doing bullshit, pushing it off as much as I could. I figured, I have about 17 hours to get to a one hour episode.
After much procrastination, I said to myself, “Just get this bullshit out of the way”. So, like a child reluctantly going to bed, I grabbed my beer, and plopped down on the couch.
*The following is the transcript of my brain at the time.*
-oooh, Sean Bean is in it. He’s gonna die
-oooooooooh Sean Bean just lopped someone’s head off and made his son watch
-yay! More boobs. Get another beer.
-Ha ha ha, a drunk midget. Dinklage is awesome
-This shit is graphic, makes Braveheart look like the Care Bears
-Ohh ya, this naked blonde chick is hot (Daenerys. Duh)
-lol, that Bran kid is a perv.
-lol, Jaime is getting some. Show us her tits!
-Oh God! Oh God! Dude, that’s your sister!
-Did he just push Bran out the window?!?!
-Hmmm, ok, one more episode
*End of transcript.*
Fast forward to the wife coming home. What do you think she saw when she walked in? I’ll tell you, me finishing the last episode of season 1, approximately eighteen or twenty empty beer cans covering the coffee table, an empty pizza box, empty bags of chips, and me saying, “holy shit! Is season 2 available?”
As the wife relayed to me that season 2 had a couple of months until it would air, I replied the only way I could, “You bitch! How could you get me hooked on this shit knowing I’d have to wait so long to see what happens!!! Why didn’t you wait until a couple seasons in? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”