Torture Brendan Episode VII: Mortdecai

Released Date: January 23, 2015
Running Time: 107 Minutes
Movie Suggested By: Michael Cleary

Mortdecai? More like Mortdekillmeplease. This is the story of Juggling angry Russians, the British Mi5, and an international terrorist, debonair art dealer and part time rogue Charlie Mortdecai races to recover a stolen painting rumored to contain a code that leads to lost Nazi gold. At least, that’s what IMDB says it is. In reality, it was another excuse for Johnny Depp to use another British Accent, and to reprise his role as Captain Jack Sparrow.

Just about every joke fell flat in this film. The worst joke of all, was Mortdecai’s wife being repulsed by his mustache. Seriously, to the point of gagging. Yup, that’s pretty much it. I tried so hard to laugh, I really did. But there was actually nothing to find even vaguely amusing. I mean, shit, Johnny Depp actually got paid for this movie. And he’ll continue to be offered rolls in film. I wish that I could show up for my shift, do a horrible job, and then get offered a raise.

If you love real “British” comedies, do not watch this movie. However, if you love Johnny Depp, you probably still shouldn’t watch this movie. I think maybe, only 0.000000000002% of people in the world have the sense of humor this movie was targeting. I had 4 beers during this, but I had the pint cans this time. So, that’s like 5 1/2 beers.

Beers: 🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺

*Witness the torture below*




2 thoughts on “Torture Brendan Episode VII: Mortdecai

  1. Michael says:

    Told ya …that movie is awkward and unfunny from the moment the opening credits stop. And it’s only compounded by the star-power of the cast. The 25-30 minutes that I lasted before I left the theatre were almost painful.
    Oh, and as always…. you’re welcome ! πŸ˜›

    Liked by 1 person

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